Why I’m not rushing into marriage and family

25 Apr

Lately, I keep running across articles and stories in the media regarding college grads putting off marriage, babies, etc. Since I fall into this group, I have to chime in!


There are really two huge factors as to why recent grads are not jumping into family and marriage. Can you guess why?

  • The first one is a no -brainer…this economy! We want to get married, have kids, the whole nine, but how in the world can we do that, when we can’t even get decent paying jobs? Then we’re expected to pay off the loans we accrued during all of that time in higher education. Employers aren’t giving college grads the chance to start at a decent living wage or provide an opportunity for advancement. Society says work hard and things will pay off and blah, blah, blah…but we all know that isn’t in the cards anytime soon! Most grads aren’t even working in their prospective career.
  • The second factor is we are a generation of forward thinkers. We want to live life, see what’s out there, and make a difference. The issue here is that we are constantly thinking of what else… (what else is out there for me, what kind of book do I want to write, what kind of music do I want to make, what genre of movies would I produce, what can I do to make a change, what’s beyond the four corners of this cubicle) Pausing to start families doesn’t really allow for that type of thinking and lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I do want kids, and marriage sooner than later, but now is not the time. I’d like to have an actual ceremonial wedding without having to go to the Justice of the Peace (Let me be clear: I have NOTHING against a court house ceremony, sometimes that’s the route you need to take, or you may prefer it over the other alternatives.)  I’m not asking for some outlandish, large affair, but I want the chance to have a somewhat traditional wedding. Let’s be real, lower middle class families cannot pay for their kid’s wedding, reception, honeymoon, etc.

Young, motivated, and in love

Religious folk want us to married quickly so that we can live in a way that is acceptable by God, yet I see no one offering to help with any part of it. They’re like “Just go to the court-house” “You can always do something big later.” Whatever…those people know that the bigger wedding never happens down the road.Society wants us to do something quick and cheap because we’ve been together too long. They say, “There is never a perfect time to have kids” My response is…”uh, no, but there is a better time.”

So, we’ll continue to take the steps we need to take to live out our dreams. We’ll do the most uncommon things that lead to success (our definition of success). And, we’ll continue to love each other like there’s no tomorrow, support each other with each new day, and allow our hearts to continue to beat as one throughout this lifetime. A

College grads stay up! We are on our time!

If you’re already a working mom, you stay up too! Love you guys the most!


7 Responses to “Why I’m not rushing into marriage and family”

  1. Tenai April 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    I get where you are coming from, however, me and husband as you know did go to the court house to get married, that doesn’t mean that we did it just to have a “quickie” wedding. That is what we wanted to do and we are happily in love. When the time comes we will be able to have our ceremony that we want to have to celebrate our unity as one. Each person has their own “time” of when they want children. God blessed my family with our son at the time he wanted us to have him, and I can say we are happy and blessed. God is good and we are a blessed unit.

    • Caramel Rell April 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

      Tenai, I’m happy for you and your family. Like I said in the post, going to the Justice of the Peace is the choice many prefer, and I see nothing wrong with that. Different types of ceremonies work for each individual couple. My position is that I prefer to do a somewhat traditional ceremony initially, once we’re financially able to do so.

      Thanks for commenting and giving your stance on this! I can’t wait to serve as Maid of Honor at your ceremony!

  2. Caramel Rell April 25, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

    Click the links for articles published about recent grads’ avoiding marriage, family, etc.(I do not own these articles,and they do not necessarily reflect my views or opinions)…just information for you!



  3. Joyce Benson April 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

    This also was a very interesting take on Marriage vs. living together. All is up to ones individual taste or even situation. As a Wedding Planner, I have found many couples, Degree or not have made various changes in their vision once the planning began. I had one couple to decide after reviewing cost and disputes with parents and other family members to unite at the court house and headed directly to their honeymoon spot! Wow, they were very financially stable people as well as their parents, so it truly is ones choice and both are honorable.
    “Be Blessed”

    • Caramel Rell April 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

      Wow, you never know what you’ll end up choosing once everything is set in motion! Like I said in the post, if the court house is a better option for the couple… Go For it!

  4. Caramel Rell April 25, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    This piece isn’t about the couples preference of wedding venues(that’s another topic). It’s solely about the new shake-up in the deferment of marriage and family for recent college graduates, and how the economy and society is affecting the change.

  5. Mary J May 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

    Well I am about to hit you in the spiritual realm. Living together means sleeping together, which means fornication, and God cannot bless it. Now I am no judge, because I did the same thing. However, I was not in a BLESSED state. A couple can get married and have a dream wedding like I did, on a small budget. More important, where is the Faith that God will supply all our needs according to his riches?

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