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Why I’m not rushing into marriage and family

25 Apr

Lately, I keep running across articles and stories in the media regarding college grads putting off marriage, babies, etc. Since I fall into this group, I have to chime in!

 http://finance.yahoo.com/news/to-pay-off-loans–grads-put-off-marriage–children.html

There are really two huge factors as to why recent grads are not jumping into family and marriage. Can you guess why?

  • The first one is a no -brainer…this economy! We want to get married, have kids, the whole nine, but how in the world can we do that, when we can’t even get decent paying jobs? Then we’re expected to pay off the loans we accrued during all of that time in higher education. Employers aren’t giving college grads the chance to start at a decent living wage or provide an opportunity for advancement. Society says work hard and things will pay off and blah, blah, blah…but we all know that isn’t in the cards anytime soon! Most grads aren’t even working in their prospective career.
  • The second factor is we are a generation of forward thinkers. We want to live life, see what’s out there, and make a difference. The issue here is that we are constantly thinking of what else… (what else is out there for me, what kind of book do I want to write, what kind of music do I want to make, what genre of movies would I produce, what can I do to make a change, what’s beyond the four corners of this cubicle) Pausing to start families doesn’t really allow for that type of thinking and lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I do want kids, and marriage sooner than later, but now is not the time. I’d like to have an actual ceremonial wedding without having to go to the Justice of the Peace (Let me be clear: I have NOTHING against a court house ceremony, sometimes that’s the route you need to take, or you may prefer it over the other alternatives.)  I’m not asking for some outlandish, large affair, but I want the chance to have a somewhat traditional wedding. Let’s be real, lower middle class families cannot pay for their kid’s wedding, reception, honeymoon, etc.

Young, motivated, and in love

Religious folk want us to married quickly so that we can live in a way that is acceptable by God, yet I see no one offering to help with any part of it. They’re like “Just go to the court-house” “You can always do something big later.” Whatever…those people know that the bigger wedding never happens down the road.Society wants us to do something quick and cheap because we’ve been together too long. They say, “There is never a perfect time to have kids” My response is…”uh, no, but there is a better time.”

So, we’ll continue to take the steps we need to take to live out our dreams. We’ll do the most uncommon things that lead to success (our definition of success). And, we’ll continue to love each other like there’s no tomorrow, support each other with each new day, and allow our hearts to continue to beat as one throughout this lifetime. A

College grads stay up! We are on our time!

If you’re already a working mom, you stay up too! Love you guys the most!

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Life’s Am I really here moments…

9 Apr

Guys, it’s been 7 months since my move to Georgia, and I still have my “Am I really here” moments. I am in love with this new life that I was blessed with! Things have come full circle, and it’s very humbling. I’m an emotional person anyway, so I can be driving home, and think about where I came from and burst into tears. They’re not sad tears, but tears of gratitude, and joy. I’ve been quite an emotional person since my mid-twenties, so I guess that’s who I am for now…lol

I was raised in the Church, and I was always a person who prayed and tried to lead a descent life. My faith began to be tested during and after undergrad. I graduated at the worst possible time. Gas was higher than we’d seen before and scarce at that! The economic recession hit, and my peers and I had no clue, what we were in for. I refer to it as the fight for fairness. None of my friends came from homes where our parents could financially take the burden of our rent, bills, etc. My friends and I have become the generation of ‘figure it out!”

Upon graduation, I got smacked with every financial distressing thing known to man. Things would happen in three’s and I felt that I couldn’t breathe. Bills were getting paid late (if at all!) the dog would get sick and need expensive medicine, the car would break down, and the  car note was high as heck, since I had no credit and no co-signer, I stayed sick constantly, so Dr. bills piled up! I’m thinking to myself… “Is this why I went to college? Come on!” Things got really bad, and I felt mentally, and spiritually  broken. I was accruing more than I was bringing in. My employer(s) weren’t paying me enough to live, and I have the feeling they thought they were doing me a favor!

 At the time, I was looking to the sky like…please help! My initial frustrations were mild. I would pray 6-10 times a day, and add a sarcastic please at the end. Then I got cocky, and rolled my eyes to the sky. The worst came when I was at wit’s end, and thought my current job was at risk due to some ridiculous technicality. I thought “Why would you bring me here, just so I could fall on my face?” I cursed God, and had never done that. I was in a faithless state of mind.

You see, it’s easy to believe and be of Faith when things are going well for you; but when hardships strike, that’s when you see how strong you really are. I failed miserably! But, I had a breakthrough in January and was brought closer to God despite what I had going on. I felt reassured that no matter what happened; I was safe with him.  I struggle at times, so it’s a constant battle, but the more engulfed in His arms I am, the easier it gets.

I couldn’t see what God had for me, so I was angry. I allowed my hardships to make me hard and bitter. I don’t want to be hard and bitter. These past three months have been a growing season for me. So if you pass me on 75 south, Cobb PKWY or just leisurely sitting in my car, eyes filled with tears…Know that I am filled with happiness and peace, because I’ve been made anew!

My honey and I have found a church home that we love! This new state has embraced us, and God is directing our Path. If you’re going through it today, let go and let God guide you. If you’ve done everything in your power to make situations better, and they don’t change, it’s not up to you to change it. Wait on God chile.

You’ve got to Worship until you win. Praise him through your circumstance. Here’s to new jobs, new dreams, new days and blessed finances for you all amen.

Just Gotta Make It

6 Dec

Since turning 27 not too long ago, I feel I’ve crossed over into a different era of my adulthood. With the big 3-0 right around the corner, I feel different. I don’t know about you, but when I was younger people would ask me if I felt different on each birthday. I would always reply “I feel the same.” Not this time around.

 My twenties have been filled with ups and downs, stress, worry about everything, starting a life, being a partner, buying a car, insurance, doing everything from scratch!

The “real world” literally slapped me in the face. When I lived at home, I couldn’t wait to get out on my own and get my own place. Being young and ignorant to what comes with all of that took a toll. Thinking about savings, buying a home within 5 years, establishing good credit, all of these things filled my mind, and were very overwhelming at times.

 I now feel a sense of renewal, in a spiritual and emotional way. There is a calmness that everything will be fine, and the constant worry is no longer there. I think that comes with maturity and realizing that once you get past your growing pains (which everyone must go through) that life seems easier to handle.

 I felt compelled to share my twenties experience because so many of you are going through or have had to go through your own ‘twenties hardships’. To any of you who are going through things whether financial, emotional, physical, whatever know that you can overcome it, and things start to make sense with age. We are a strong and extremely intelligent generation, and no matter what you are facing today, you’ve already made it, because the experience taught you to do so. Everyone has something they are dealing with; it’s just HOW you choose to deal with it. Stay strong young people.

 #growth

 

 

 

Where’s My Red Carpet?

21 Nov

Me and my friend Brittney at my undergrad Graduation

 After my recent move to Atlanta, I rummaged through some boxes attempting to organize the tornado, that is my new apartment. I came across a dusty cylinder, which holds my College diploma.  That B.A in Communication, and all I could think of is three years and what has it got me? Years of stress, tears, and more stress, and I think all of the time, what was it for? Where is my red carpet?

I moved for the chance of better opportunities, higher pay, and plus, I’ve always wanted to be here. However, we are sending our kids out there with the idea that they will be able to get their dream job upon walking across a stage.

With unemployment  and low pay wages remaining big concerns these days, it makes me wonder WHY I worked so hard for that degree! I have brilliant friends and family who all graduated around 2007-2009, and have jobs that couldn’t be further from what they intended to do! Most jobs look at a bachelors as if it is only high school diploma!  A bachelor’s degree is an esteemed accomplishment, and for the job market to look down on it is insane! I have no plans of getting a Masters, mainly because I plan to take my career into my own hands with God leading the way. I can’t be boxed into a specific category or job title. I hope to be a mentor to young girls from my background. I hope to be a published author, I hope to share opportunities with others that I didn’t have or have access to. I don’t need a Master’s degree to do these things!

Three years, and I have officially been out there living life after the degree, and it is not what I expected at all! I mean no, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my degree, or in life in general, but the struggle that my peers and I have been dealt sucks. Life after the educational journey has been hard, overwhelming and made me bitter at times. If you don’t know someone or have connections, then it will be harder for you. That’s not me being negative, its reality! I don’t come from a prominent family with connections, so it was not easy!

As a black woman, I know that education, especially a college education is an accomplishment itself, because of the fact that blacks at one time got the skin knocked off their backs to do so.  I realize the importance, and significance that my education holds, but there has to be a better pay off than what I’ve seen my peers struggle through.  We need to teach each other how to network with businesses, companies, etc.

What I have taken away from these past few years  is that no matter what your journey, not matter how hard the struggle, don’t forget this important thing: any employer, boss, supervisor can demote you, or let you go, but they can NEVER take away your educated mind.Our people died trying to have the opportunity to be educated and read books, so who are we to complain. Get your education and then find a way to make a difference. Entrepreneurship may be the new post grad thing to do!

Corporate greed is controlling the American Dream, which is becoming obsolete. Time to pick up and make your own dream.

The main problem with blacks being able to following through with dreams is finances and resources. We need to help one another, mentor one another, and network with one another. I believe we can all be successful post graduation, but it will take all of these things plus faith and determination to see it through.

If you had a red carpet, where would it take you?

#whereisyourredcarpet

Small sips first!

2 Aug

So, first off I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to visit my blog!  This blog is almost a year in the making, and it is still a work in progress. I’ve been going back and forth with myself, trying to figure out what I wanted this my blog site to be about. Would I talk about issues facing women only, college grads, relationships, WHAT? Someone near and dear to me reminded me to be me, and STOP over-thinking it! So, I’ve decided to be true to self which means, I’m going to write from the heart.  The most important thing I want to bring forth to you is something that you can relate to.  I love to write, read and inform and BE informed! So, I hope that you will support me through this vulnerable journey. I can’t wait to see how far this goes, and know that it’s not easy to put my thoughts, views, and opinions out there for everyone to critique. I’m honest, I’m crazy at times, and  I’m passionate about human life and why we do the things we do, so get ready!